


Schematics

by NoShayminTrying



Category: Mystery Science Theater 3000
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Origin Story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-23
Updated: 2015-03-23
Packaged: 2018-03-19 05:35:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3598356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoShayminTrying/pseuds/NoShayminTrying
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>KTMA era MST3K. Joel builds Crow and gets more than he bargained for.<br/>Genfic, mostly fluff.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Schematics

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the first pic in this adorable fan art post by peteyplane on tumblr:  
> http://peteyplane.tumblr.com/post/114119859691/the-ktma-host-segments-are-a-gift  
> ___________________________________________________________________________________________

"Hey. That feels weird."

Crow shook his head side to side, causing his net to wobble back and forth.

"Then hold still so I can fix it." Joel's shaggy bangs fell into his eyes as he leaned downward, and he lazily brushed them back with his free hand. The other hand was busy tinkering with the silver bot in front of him, an experiment in artificial intelligence that had not only been successful, but had wildly surpassed Joel's most far-fetched hopes. The thing - _no, not thing. He still wasn't quite sure what Crow was, but "thing" was definitely not it_ \- the little guy was only a few days old, and already enthralling, and endearing, and quite frankly, terrifying. Not terrifying in some horrible, grotesque, abomination-against-science sort of way, but terrifying because it was the first time Joel had ever created something that literally took on a life of its own.

Beeper had been a simple hardware experiment to determine if the ship's parts could be recycled. The experiment proved successful, and that was all the green light Joel needed. Cambot and Gypsy, he'd programmed mainly as automated service droids that responded to voice commands. He might come back and tweak them both later, but for now, they were fine. Cambot, the more simplistic of the two, recorded and projected and that was about it. Gypsy performed maintenance functions around the ship, but she was wasn't a whole lot more complex than an AI computer on the latest hotshot military aircraft, many of which Joel had helped program back on earth.

Crow, however…Crow was new. Uncharted scientific territory. His purpose was companionship, and that required a far more complex, nuanced, and experimental type of AI. Understanding and responding to voice commands wasn't enough. Neither was accessing some internal flowchart to determine which emotion was appropriate to any given situation, and then accessing some databank of vocal inflections to allow the appropriate emotion to be properly emulated for the benefit of any humans in the room.

Crow's AI was woven with a type of delicate intricacy that Joel couldn't even logically explain. A certain amount of whimsical improvisation and spur-of-the-moment fancy footwork was always part of Joel's creative process, but the first three bots had still been pre-planned out, with blueprints and designated functions and lines upon lines of prewritten code. Crow, however, was made on a whim, born of Joel's curiosity and a pure love of inventing, and Joel had slipped deep into an intuitive creator's transe that his coworkers back on earth used to refer to as his "zone."

When he'd finished and snapped out of it, Crow had stood in front of him, and from the moment he activated the bot, he knew he was no longer alone on the ship. He wasn't quite sure what he'd created, but he knew it was a "who" rather than a "what", and he'd just have to figure out the rest as it unfolded.

"The rest" was proving to be mindblowing in its variety, depth, and sheer unpredictability. Crow not only assimilated new information at an alarming rate, it _..._ _no, not it, he_ proved quite adept at applying said information, and then seeking out more. If Joel didn't know better, he'd say the robot was actively curious.

The robot also seemed fully capable of abstract thinking, making connections between seemingly unrelated things, and was even beginning to ask questions about concepts like humor, friendship, and physical sensations.

Currently, Crow was staring down at a star chart on the desk in front of him. He read the names of the different constellations as Joel continued to tinker with the net on Crow's head. "Hercules. Is that the really strong guy from the mythology book we read the other day?"

"Yep," Joel said, amazed for what seemed like the thousandth time in the past hour alone. "Do you remember anything else about him?"

Crow turned his head to look at Joel, a spark of _..._ _excitement? Mischief? Something_ _,_ glimmering in his eyes. "Yeah! He had to do all this really hard stuff because Hera was a bitc…"

"Crow!"

"...bit of an unpleasant person, so she made him go to the stables and clean up a bunch of shi…HEY!"

Joel, exasperated, quickly pulled Crow away from the star chart and into his arms, where he clamped one hand gently around the bot's beak. "What did I say about using those words?"

Crow gave a defiant grunt that had an unmistakably playful tone to it and rapidly shook his head to pry Joel's hand loose. "Hey, I'm not the one who programmed an unabridged dictionary into myself!" he said.

"Yeah, remind me to keep that one in mind next time I decide to make a smart-alec robot." Joel chuckled and rolled his eyes, letting his arms relax around the metallic body, but subconsciously... _it had to be subconscious, didn't it?..._ keeping the bot in a loose hug.

Rather than making a break for it, Crow leaned into him and relaxed against Joel's chest. "You're snuggly."

And once again, Joel found himself startled and completely caught off guard. The concepts of "soft" and "warm" were things he'd programmed into Crow, and he'd definitely programmed the bot to seek companionship and keep company with humans, but snuggliness? Crow had a rich vocabulary (a bit _too_ rich, maybe) and surely knew the definition of the word, but defining a word and experiencing a concept were two entirely different things, and actively seeking an experience and then verbally elaborating on it...where had that come from?

Crow tucked his beak under Joel's arm and pressed against his side. Speechless, Joel stared down at the top of the bot's head for a moment, feeling some combination of disbelief and awe and, as strange at it seemed, affection.

"Did...did I program you to do that?" Joel asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.

Crow pulled his body away from Joel and looked up. "Nuh-uh, I did. Is it bad?"

"Wha...no! Of course it's not." Joel hastily pulled Crow back against his side, leaving his arm reassuringly draped around the bot's silver shoulder. He was learning quickly that he didn't fully understand the nature of what he'd created, and the last thing he wanted to do was discourage whatever emotions or personality Crow was developing, especially if it turned out the bot was actually capable of feeling love or something like it. If Joel could accidentally program something, it stood to reason that he could accidentally unprogram it too, and affectionate companionship was definitely not something he wanted to unprogram. "Hey. Uh...Crow. What did you mean a minute ago? When I asked you if I programmed you..."

"I did it. Well I kind of did and you kind of did, but mostly I did."

"Whaddaya mean?" Joel asked, careful to keep his tone light. Curiosity was eating away at him, and there was a tiny kernel of fear there as well because the gravity of having a sentient, self-programming robot on board was just beginning to hit him, but he wanted to make sure Crow didn't pick up on it.

Crow stepped away from Joel so that he could look up at the taller human, but something in his processor must have picked up a trace of uneasiness from Joel. Crow reached out like a human child and grabbed one of Joel's hands in his silver claw.

Joel blinked. "Did I program that too?"

"You sorta did. I mean, you programmed me to program myself. You created me to help you make fun of those stupid movies the dickweed scientists keep sending up here."

Joel nodded, not quite sure where Crow was going with this. "And to keep me company so I don't slowly lose my mind, yeah."

Crow paused for a moment and seemed to be internally focused on something. Joel guessed he was accessing his internal schematics and trying to put into words what exactly was going on, so he could explain the inexplicable to his own creator. "You programmed me to adapt to different situations in order to make jokes. I have to react to what's going on in the movie in order to make fun of it. You didn't program me to repeat a bunch of jokes you already programmed in, you programmed me to make my own. The adaptability subroutine you gave me to help me make jokes adapted itself to take over my other subroutines, and now they adapt to stuff too."

Joel wasn't quite sure how to respond to that, so he just burst out laughing. Of course. OF COURSE. He'd inadvertently created a computer virus, and instead of wreaking havoc and causing large-scale destruction, the virus was affectionately holding his hand, patiently explaining itself to him, and calling his bosses a pair of dickweeds.

"It's just how you programmed me to process stuff. I analyze it and react in a way that makes me feel good."

Joel shook his head, still completely dumbfounded, but gave Crow an amused smile. "Oh terrific, I created a robotic pleasure seeker."

"That's what you humans are too! Just not robotic. And at least robots don't smell bad when we forget to bathe, so you actually created a superior life form."

Joel's smile turned into a full-on laugh. "Hey! Watch it, mister, or I'll dissect you and sell your parts to science," he said, playfully jiggling the net on top of Crow's head.

Crow suddenly pulled away and looked up at Joel, and Joel could swear he saw fear and confusion and hope all mixed together in those two pingpong balls he'd used for eyes. "You won't really, will you?"

"Crow! No, of course not!" Joel pulled the bot against his side, then briefly let go and knelt down next to him, meeting him at eye level. _Holy crap, sensitive little critter. I'll need to be careful, at least for a while._ "Don't worry, buddy. I was just kidding."

"Well you took the ship apart to make me, so how do I know…."

"C'mere, little guy." Joel wrapped Crow in both his arms and rested his chin on top of the smooth part of Crow's net. "You're here to stay. I promise."


End file.
